Here is the low down on how I work with my children, and teach them with their spouses, my husband, and my demanding 3rd child.
1. Choose to NOT be offended (extremely hard to do-especially when you are) Keep trying, and it becomes easier I promise
2. Answer someones negative comment,calmly and conscicley with your polite answer, as if they had asked the question the way you wanted to hear it (politely) and you have mostly discerned what they want to know.
3. Never attack or answer defensively or blame someone or something else, because this closes ears. Never attacking diffuses the situation… and also takes practice, time and other person recognizing you are not going to attack back even though they attacked first. It is also a teaching lesson for kids to teach them how to resolve conflict effectively.
4. Asking how they felt/or perceived the situation, and letting them vent all they want to vent before you interject. Wait your turn to speak. Then tell how you felt/or perceived the situation.
5. Always aim to answer in the positive, and never (try to never) use the word –BUT– because but negates everything before it.
6. Choose to LOVE the other person. Yes make that decision. It is the hardest decision you will ever make, and it is worth it!! and you too can get what you want…